I smell stomach acid.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
