I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
