4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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