What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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