doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
