So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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