Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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