That's intense
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I could make wine with my vomit
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
