We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
