She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
