why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
