If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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