Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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