Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
