so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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