Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
