Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
