Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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