just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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