dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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