my mouth tastes like poor choices
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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