just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
