Don't you send me to vm
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
