I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
