I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize