2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
