who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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