i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
