I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
