I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
