5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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