A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize