I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
