that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
