You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
