This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just forgot I was standing up.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
