Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
