Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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