I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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