May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
