Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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