brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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