Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
