she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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