im drinking this country out of the recession.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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