ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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