Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
