We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
