Just invented taco cereal.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
