i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
