you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
