I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
