The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
