dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
