pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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