Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
