remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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