How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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