"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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