So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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