I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
