similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
