Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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