All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
