it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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