my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
