Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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