none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
