I will die if light touches me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize