just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
