Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
