You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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