You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
