U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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