Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
