He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
