i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
