your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
