I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize