Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
