Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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