so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
