Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
