Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
