Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
