So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
