people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
