I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
