VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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