The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
