shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
