My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
