i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
