The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
