Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
