it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
