chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
