It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
