At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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