I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize