Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The Olympian is in my bed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
