We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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