When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
