My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
