HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
