I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
