i wish my penis had a tongue
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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