How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
