watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
