Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize