my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
