if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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